i want to see a magical girl anime where she has to stop mid transformation because the villain wont stop doing bad things so she has to grab one of those designs from the background and fight them off using it all the while shes only wearing one shoe and like half a tiara and screaming YOURE SUPPOSED TO FUCKING WAIT!!!!!
“Even if he retires at 2:00 a.m., my father cannot fall asleep without at least an hour of rigorous mental games. (He is the sort of person who could never get drowsy counting sheep; he once told me that he just got wider and wider awake as the numbers mounted, since he had to make sure he was counting correctly.) He composes puns, limericks, clerihews, palindromes, anagrams, and alphabetical lists of various kinds. An example of the last of these genres: Excluding the refractory x, which was long ago thrown out of the game, proceed through the alphabet from a to z, finding words that end with the letters el. Proper names are allowed. Solution: Abel, babel, channel, diesel, Edel, Fidel, Gödel… and so on. The sailing was reasonably clear until my father got to z, a perennial troublemaker. It took an hour, from 4:00 a.m. to 5:00 a.m., to come up with the name of a fellow reviewer at The Nation whom he had last seen sixty years earlier: Morton Dauwen Zabel. My father says that the moment Mr Zabel sidled into his consciousness, he was suffused with a sense of transcendent completion greater than he had ever felt on signing a book contract or closing a deal.”—Anne Fadiman, ‘Night Owl’, from ‘At Large and At Small: Confessions of a Literary Hedonist’
cats are really cute, really soft. cats will never misgender you. cats are fast and make strange noises. cats are fundamentally creatures of the void and their basest nature is that of infinite darkness. the best animal of all time
Since you didn’t specify a fandom, clearly you meant a Fight Club AU wherein ladies. Because ladies. [Note: the views expressed in this story do not necessarily reflect the views of Skellerbzzt or her subsidiaries because Chuck Palahnuick)
The first fight club was just be and Maria pounding on each other. It used to be enough that I knew where my life was going. To know that when I came home angry that I could die without a scar and leave a nice condo. A nice condo where every other idiot in there is some high flying dick in a nice suit squeezing up next to me in the mailroom saying Hi and already convince he was a finger flick away from having a dick warmer. Used to be enough that I’d come home angry from work where every third sentence was Hey Can We See A Smile, one was the boss having me do his job and the second was nothing you could complain to HR about or they’d have a sexual harassment seminar and you’d never get a promotion ever again. But I’d come home to a nice condo. Nice jewelery. A really nice car. Really, properly nice. Until someone else picked it up. Until whatever bachelor came in a ruined it all.
Maria, she’s had five husbands and all of them she’s found dick deep in other, young women who were so goddamn proud of themselves.
Absolutely understandable. Can I have ladies in a fantasy army then? Capable women accepting no shit! Other capable ladies rolling their eyes and applying lipstick in the reflection of the first lady’s breastplate! Etc. etc. etc.
Ceylon was murmuring quietly in the back of 5’s mind about the mud feeling good under her toes, the water feeling good on her hots skin. It was happy, burbling mumblings. 5 could only hear Ceylon clearly when she felt something strongly, the sharp bite of fear, or the growling, trampling force of anger, or the two of them synced up in the focus on a field maneuver.
They had to bathe away from the rest of the unit, away from the bull elephants and their bull-headed handlers. They had the clear water, with the beautiful waterfall tumbling down into crustal water. 3 and Mar had been talking about swinging down into the deep pits, while the elephants had been think of cold water in their trunks, of floating in the water with their handlers on their backs. Of resting. It had been a long march and when they could pack up and eat, they took advantage.
They had had to keep walking, their baggage strapped to Ceylon’s back and her bones tired, ears drooping. It was a tricking river here, muddy and marshy. Ceylon began to smother herself in mud. They’d had to make mud pits in camp every night for the elephants to smother themselves in, so the sun wouldn’t bake their skin. 5 had been carefully robed, over her uniform, while the boys sat in bare skin, uniform shirts tied around their waists, sashes hanging down over the legs, bows loose at their sides and quivers neglected. 5 alone had managed to cut down game by her own, animals the camp had been more than happy to eat, but too busy talking nothing to notice when there was food to catch. The Captain of the unit had had her scrape the skins and he’d taken them himself, telling her good job, but not allowing the dignity of the pelts to sell in town.
She disrobed, keep her robes neat and hidden, because she knew someone, at some point, would think it funny to try and find her and steal her clothes. She had her light spear at hand, on the off chance there were fish, or frogs, or boys to be stabbed. They were close to town. They would get to restock, the elephants going to stable, and everyone sleeping in beds or cots rather than in camp.
On the first river stop they’d tried to sneak in and see her bath and Ceylon had sparked annoyance and she dunked all over them into the muddy water. The Captain had shrugged and told them to go wash their uniforms when they’d complained, and told them if they didn’t want to be dumped in the river, perhaps they should be better at hand to hand. He’d said that if anyone bothered 5, then they deserved what happened to them.
But he also hadn’t told them not to do it. He also had shamed them for treating her like a woman to be bought instead of one of the troop.
(“If you do this,” her father had said, carefully carving her a staff, “if you do this then it will be your life. You will not have room for anything else. You will see others slacking off and getting praise. You will have to do nothing else and fight your own troop as much as any enemy.”
"I want an elephant." 5, before she had been 5, before she had been anyone, had said.
He’d nodded. “Then welcome to your life.” And he’d snapped out and tripped her and held the staff to her throat, hard enough to make her couch. She cried out in surprise and he’d looked down at her, sad and gentle in his sudden violence
“If you cannot hear them in your mind, then you cannot trust them. No one. You can save their lives a hundred times, but you cannot trust them to do the same.”
"I want an elephant." 5, before she’d been anyone, before she’d beaten anyone at all, had grabbed the staff, and kicked at her father’s crippled leg and he’d nodded.)
But 5 could hear Ceylon, and Ceylon burbled happily at 5 and dumped muddy water over her head and curled her trunk around 5’s scarred and muscles arm and thought something that translated to friend, or herd, or sister and 5 helped her rub mud over her back.
jeez i would love to order that thing online, but i don’t know what size to order it in because women’s clothing sizes are determined by the alignments of the planets in relation to the fuck you galaxy
i was standing on the surface of a perforated sphere when the water filled every hole and thousands upon thousands made an ocean, making islands where no island should go. oh no
those people were overjoyed; they took to their boats. i thought it less like a lake and more like a moat. the rhythm of my footsteps crossing flatlands to your door have been silenced forever more the distance is quite simply much too far for me to row it seems farther than ever before oh no
the best possible compliment u can give a girl is to call her a goddess like heck yeah man i will get jealous and kill mortals who are cuter than me and inadvertently cause like 3 world wars when i get bored and i will wear billowing robes of woven nebulae with eyeliner as sharp and obsidian as Krono’s sickle and burn alive the unworthy flesh of any man who dares to gaze upon my true form