so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums.
last night a guy said to me “you are very, very pretty” and i said “i know” and he said like patronisingly “you KNOW?” and i said “you think you’re the first person to ever compliment me?” and he didn’t know where to go from there
Making out with a girl for the first time is the coolest thing and the second coolest thing is driving home and getting aware of all the parts of your face where she was and tasting her lip balm on your lips. The third coolest thing is outer space.
I started this so important/really unnecessary/so important little project. It’s just: which places have the best bathrooms for taking selfies? I wanna know and maybe the people do too. Click the link if you like, ignore if you care not, obvs. So you know, I wanna get some submissions in soon too so it’s not just my flatteringly-lit face or just the city I live in on there.